Who Knew
by ImComingHome
Summary: When Santana Lopez gets kicked out of Glee club, an unlikely person stands up for her. Will this person be rewarded or will she be just somebody else she can break? Pezberry eventually.
1. I've been dying to say this to you

Pairings: - Santana/Rachel (eventual), mentions Rachel/Finn, Santana/Brittany

Spoilers: - Right up to 2x15 Sexy and Original Song

M for language and sex!

Notes: - Santana is a mean bitch. Spoilers right though up to Original Song. This will be probably be long, with inevitable Pezberry happening cause they're fun to write. M for language and sex!

Chapter 1 – I've been dying to say this to you.

I'm sitting here right?

Sitting here in this stupid classroom, surrounded by even stupider people. People who have got to be literally off the Richter scale stupid. And as I'm sitting here, it's almost as if my goddamn life is a high school movie slow motion montage. The people around me talking and laughing and being happy, whilst I sit and stew and marvel at my own miserable existence. I mean, come on these people are glee losers. They get picked on every day, yeah sure mostly by me, but they're the bottom of the social ladder, the lowest of lowest inhabitants at Loserville, Ohio and still they're happier than I am.

Me, Santana motherfucking Lopez.

Queen bitch of McKinley.

Hottest piece of ass in this buttfuck town.

I am miserable.

It's one thing to get rejected from your best friend, the one person who just gets you. The one person who finally makes you see what it is that you've been denying to yourself for so long. It's also one thing to see said person happy with someone else, everywhere you turn. The cripple gets more touch then I do, Brittany has effectively cut me off, not that I can be anywhere near her right now. Humiliation isn't something Santana Lopez deals in.

Yet here I sit in glee club, unable to draw my eyes away from her as she sits in Artie's lap, whispering and laughing and giggling and ugh it should be me. It just, really should be me. Barf

"Mr Schue can we get this wrapped, cause you know, there's places I gots to be." I spoke for the first time today, actually addressing somebody in this room.

"Uh, where exactly do you need to be? It's not as if you have anything else going for you right now." Quinn Fabray sniggered from the other side of the room. Still smarting over the Sam situation I guess. Jesus, she's welcome to lady lips. I have no use for him now.

You see if I could slap the blonde off of her right now. Somebody is going to have to hold me back. I swears it.

"Listen Tubbers. If you think for one second, that because I already got your man, men, multiple men, whatever you want to call it, that I won't spend hours and hours intricately planning how I can end you, then you are so wrong, bitch."

"Oh please what else could you possibly do Santana? I'm not scared of you; I doubt anyone in this room is now."

"Umm, I kinda am." Finn hesitantly raised his hand only to be slapped down by Quinn.

"Shut it, Finnessa." I bit back. I'm not taking it from these guys, not today.

"In fact, this morning didn't you get slushied? I can't remember that happening before. Things have changed." Quinn looked directly at me before speaking again slowly. "You're one of us now. "

"Fuck you, Blondie."

"Santana!" Schue's voice boomed throughout the silent room. Everyone was looking between me and Fabray.

Truth is, I wanted to beat her ass, but the fight had gone out of me. The slushie residue still seeping from my hair and on my clothes as a constant reminder throughout the day, and Mr Schue actually looked kind of scary, neck all bulging and as if he was going to go hulk on my ass in his sweater vest.

"I have had enough of your behaviour. Enough of the way you act towards your teammates and enough of the way you disrespect glee club and what we stand for in here. "

"Look Mr Schue, I've just had a really bad day and I—"

"No you look Santana. A lot of us have bad days in here, and you know what a lot of the time you can be the cause of it. Now I want you to shape up Santana, or ship out, because right now we need to focus on the competition and if you refuse to play nicely and take part then I'm going to have to ask you to leave until you think that you can."

"You're kicking me out?" The audacity of the Timberlake wannabe. He surely can't do that.

"No, I'm asking you to take a time out. Go get your head together and when and if you think you can again be a part of this team, then the door will be open for you." He shook his head sadly, as if he thought he really was trying to help me. Yeah right.

Screw these people. Screw Fabray and Finnessa, screw Brittany and her man robot, screw the Asians, screw Puck and The Sumo, screw Wheezy, screw RuPaul, and Lady Lips. Screw them all. I grabbed my bag, heart racing in a scarily way.

This doesn't happen to me.

I don't lose my cool.

I'm Santana Lopez.

"You know something. Everyone in this room is quick to jump on bandwagon. You say I'm the mean one, the bitch, the nymphet slut who tries to ruin people's lives. Well you see me getting a little 'comeuppance' and you all want a piece of the action. Well sorry guys that shit won't fly with me, because you know what. I'm Santana Lopez and I don't need any of you. So bye now."

Rachel Berry doesn't know a true storm out. That was a true storm out. So what if that stuff wasn't true. So what if I do need someone. They don't need to know that. You tell people how you really feel and you get fucked over. Keep your cards to your chest and look out for yourself. And that's exactly what I'm going to do from now on. Even if I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped all over.

Even if I've kind of lost everything.

I look up as I hear the classroom door open and close again. I hear a clearing of a throat, as if the person above me wants to speak, but doesn't quite know how to start. My eyes fall to the Mary Jane's and knee high socks and I sigh and shake my head. FML

"Oh, what the fuck do you want?"


	2. Give me a call, whenever you like to

Chapter 2 – Give me a call whenever you like to.

The thing is with Berry, is how goddamn self righteous and annoying the dwarfette can be. She grates on my last nerve, and I personally spend a lot my time pretending she doesn't exist. So why she thinks she has to be the one to come to my rescue is literally beyond me.

But here she is anyway, following me down the hall as I try with all my might to ignore her presence.

"Santana, if you could just wait a moment, please." It was kind of funny to hear her shuffling to keep up. It's not my fault she's such a short stack.

"Berry, I didn't ask you to follow me out here, and I certainly don't want to talk to you or probably even look at you." I picked up the pace just to get away from her. I was almost at the exit doors, just a few more steps and I'd be free.

"I saw what happened with Brittany you know." Berry's voice echoed down the empty corridor.

I stopped in my tracks. I could feel the panic start to set in, my heart racing and the blood pounding in my ears.

"What did you say?" My voice came out surprisingly even and eerily calm.

"I uh, I saw you the other day. When you were talking." Rachel had caught up and now stood in front of the doors, kind of blocking my path. My escape route. I don't look at her, as she speaks, focusing on the row of lockers to the side of her.

"I just want you to know that, what just happened in there was really unfair. The way nobody spoke up for you. It was really mean."

"I don't need anybody speaking up for me RuPaul, least of all you. I can look after my own shit."

"Everybody needs someone, Santana. That's kind of the way life works."

How dare she think she is even on the same level to even be talking to be right now. I watch her, lips moving up and down, but I'm drowning out her awful babbling and focusing on my anger.

"Stop talking." I close my eyes, but it's clear that I'm not the only one who isn't paying attention around here. She keeps going and going and I can feel myself starting to snap and before I can stop myself I shove her roughly against the doors.

"I said stop fucking talking Rachel."

Then my mouth was on hers and what the hell was happening? This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't responding, I guess it was the shock. Jesus even I was in shock and I was the one doing it. I was rough as hell as I pressed my body into the little midget's. Her lips were soft and smooth and I just wanted to feel something. Feel anything. But not with her. Never with her.

I pushed her away from me, her eyes staring at me wide and questioning.

"What was that?"

Tears were starting to form in my eyes. I couldn't let her see this, I couldn't break in front of her. I guess by kissing her though, I already had.

"Please stop talking. Berry if you want to keep your limbs. You'll move out of my way, now."

I could still see the shock on her face. She was breathing heavily, yet so was I. I wanted to climb out of my skin, just shed it here on the floor and start over again a new person, with a new life and not in this fucking miserable place that just pours heartbreak and pain on everything and anyone.

Rachel stepped hesitantly to the side as she brought you hand to her mouth. Her hand was shaking. I moved past her and through the doors.

"You love her don't you?" She just couldn't leave it alone. I closed my eyes and sighed.

I didn't turn, I just opened the door and walked out, my hands shaking just like hers as i fumbled with my car keys and sat inside. I wanted to get home and blast Eminem through my speakers and fantasise about massacring the glee club starting with Quinn fabray. I didn't want to go back there. To that school.

Thinking about that only made me think of berry. Why wasn't she top of my shit list? I should want to wipe her out first. We kissed. Or, I kissed I guess, but she was starting to kiss back. And it kind of didn't suck.

Oh fuck, I need to get home, I need to brush my teeth, disinfect, bleach, oh God anything to get the taste of Rachel Berry off me. I just need to forget. I need to forget that everybody wants everybody else more than they want me. Forget that I'm never enough for anyone. Brittany won't even look at me, and every time that happens it's like the knife twists even further into my back. She wanted me to tell her how I felt, and I did and look what happened. Feeling is pain.

I look up sharply as my car door opens and then Berry is sat in my passenger seat.

Umm how did that happen? I'm so shocked at the balls this chick has, that I can't even speak. I am speechless. That just doesn't occur.

She stares intently at me for a moment, and wow she really does have pretty eyes. All dark brown and chocolately.

"Why did you kiss me? You can't just invade a somebody's personal space and kiss them. Sure it was a very nice kiss and I did kind of enjoy it, but why did you do that? It's not right and I'm sure it will inevitably end in you ruining my life or my reputation?" I could see that Berry was about to go on one of her babblefests.

"It was the only way I could think of shutting you up." I interrupted before she gave me her entire life story. I thought about what she had said. "But you liked it. Ha." I gave her one of my famous Santana smirks. Oh yeah, I've still got it. Never lost it.

"Well, I, no, I uhh didn't mean it like that. Why are you looking at me that way?"

I shrugged my shoulders and continued smirking. It was kind of fun messing with her. When I didn't reply I could see the little midget beginning to get angry. Yes this _was _fun.

"What the hell do you want from me Santana? I think you've made it perfectly clear that you hate me. That you want nothing to do with me. That you're a user and I just wanted to help you, because too know the pain of unrequited love, but the way you have chosen to behave is so childish and this stupid game can end here and we can at least be civil and hold conversation..."

"You followed me Rachel. I didn't ask you to come and sit here or even talk to me." I cut her off. "Don't think you can analyse me and I'm not some project for you to focus on. You're not my therapist and we don't need to be having any conversations. You can vacate my car now." Yep this was starting to be not so fun anymore.

"Fine, be alone then. I just wanted to talk to you. Maybe try and help in some way. Even be a friend. Something you don't have a lot of right now. I wonder why."Rachel got out and slammed the door behind her.

"You don't exactly have people knocking your door down to hang out either, Berry." I called out of the window, always needing to have the last word. Something strange happened though, the way her face fell and she sighed sadly. I actually kind of felt...bad.

"I guess we have more in common than you think, then."

I watched the back of her head as she walked back into school. Seriously could my life be any more complicated. I sighed deeply, rubbing at my face distractedly before starting the car and driving home.


	3. Those 2 years, you were a friend of mine

A/N. The title of this chapter is a lyric from Two Years by the Chew Lips. I listened to this song whilst writing this chapter. Hope you guys like the story. It will be Pezberry eventually, but I don't plan on making it easy for them. R&R please :D

Chapter 3 – Those two years, you were a friend of mine.

I lay back on my bed as I finished off my last wine cooler. Yeah I know what you're thinking, drinking alone on my bed on a Wednesday night wasn't exactly the definition of badass. But I'm all out of options, no-one really wants to talk to me, and I certainly don't want to talk to them. So here I am definitely buzzed. Thank god I stashed the last of the booze Puckerman got us to replace Berry's dad's alcohol. That was pretty awesome pre-empting of me.

I wasn't used to the feelings I'd been experiencing recently. I was actually lacking in feeling in general and ignorance was certainly an improvement on numb, empty and fucking emotions. I fucking hate it.

School today had been horrendous, but I kind of predicted it would be that way. Ever since Brittany had told Artie about my feelings for her, the whispers had started and I knew the slushie facial I had would be inevitable. Then that shit with Berry after glee was a total mind blast. It wasn't right that the girl had the audacity to spy on me and then use it against me. Not on my watch.

I didn't often care about people's feelings, or how I affected them much at all if it wasn't pain and humiliation I was inflicting but ever since I'd said those hurtful things to Rachel this afternoon it had plagued my mind. She couldn't eat or sleep so getting drunk had been the only option. Now when I get drunk, I gets horny and now I'm literally not speaking to any of my fuck buddies. I wanted Britt and I couldn't have her. Jesus I couldn't have even have a piece of Puckerman now that he was being all monogamus with the Whopper. This shit sucked.

Sex was the root of all evil I've decided. I mean, yeah it felt good, felt great in fact, but no matter what how you approached it, somehow feelings always got in the way. This has now turned out to be me. Sex isn't dating, but I guess cuddling in front of Sweet Valley High is a contradiction to that theory too.

I'm lonely.

Fuck I hate drunk me.

And now I have this weird urge to text Berry, or comment her friggin myspace and tell her she sings good. What the hell is up with that shit?

I couldn't stop thinking about how I wanted to see what she looked like without her awful clothes on. It's kind of making me want to hurl. Or that could be the 6 wine coolers I downed. Hardcore.

If there was an attraction building and that was a pretty big if, no doubt, it was purely a physical thing because I just want the feel of a warm body beneath me. I don't want to date Berry. I don't even want to talk to her. Better idea, I'll just put a paper bag over her head and have done with it. Get it out of my system and move on.

Boys could make me feel good sometimes all right, but most of all it was the danger. The risk. The not knowing who else they were sleeping with and how they just wanted me for that moment. That's why I always went back to Puck. The way he couldn't give a flying fuck about anybody else, except himself. He was so similar to me in so many ways. I only really cared about Brittany too. Yeah I was admired by boys and girls at school, but no-one took the time to get to know me. Like Puck, I know the right people, had the best parties and got the best alcohol. Everyone wanted to be my friend. Not for the right reasons though.

Now I have no-one.

It's only when I reach up to wipe my eyes that I realise there are hot tears pouring down my face and this just hurts so fucking much. I reach for my phone and look through my contacts, stopping at 'Midget.' Sometimes I really am a bitch. I press the call button. She answers just as I'm about to hang up.

"Santana?" she questions sleepily. "It's 1am on a school night, and you've never called me before."

"Don't babble Berry, I don't need a lecture." I manage to slur drunkenly.

"Have you been drinking? I've told you before this is self destructive behaviour you're engaging in and quite frankly I don't want any part of-"

"I'm sorry Rachel."

"Excuse me? It sounded like you apologised." She sounded confused, it was kind of cute.

"Ummm thank you, I guess?" Shit I must have said she was cute out loud. Drunk ass.

"Never mind Berry, don't get all hot over it, I just wanted to say sorry for what happened this afternoon, but it doesn't mean I like you or want to sleep with you. It's just that people don't usually stand up for me, and you kinda did and I want to say thanks."

"Well I appreciate that Santana, only next time I'd like for you not to do it in the first place."

"Oh Berry; just when I was starting to tolerate you, you open your mouth. I'll see you at school tomorrow." I hung up without waiting for her reply.

The thought of getting up for school the next day just made my stomach flip flop and I was dreading it. I closed my eyes and sighed, the image of Rachel Berry popping into my mind. I reached back for my phone and scrolled down to where I'd saved her number.

I quickly edited the name to Berry, and saved it.

I'm going soft.

I fall asleep to the sound of a song

"Followed you down to the beach tonight  
Wearing two coats but nothing besides  
Forget that we're away from home  
Pretend we've got a beach of our own  
Always before but never again  
In the tall white grass where we ran and slept  
I lost my head but the ideas came  
Sweating out words like a fevered game  
And now that seems like it was lost in time  
But for those two years he was a friend of mine" Chew Lips - Two Years


	4. Too afraid to love

A/N - Reviews are love. Have quite a lot of this story written already so updates will be frequent until I get caught up. Hope you're enjoying the Pez.

Chapter 4 – Too afraid to love

Why was everyone talking so loudly? Why was the sun so bright? Why was I breathing? I took another sip from my black coffee and opened my locker.

"You kind of look like shit, S." Brittany's quiet voice reached into my ears.

"Well you know how it is. Heartbreak probably isn't a good look for anyone." God that sounded so bitter. I slammed the door of my locker shut and went to walk away but her hand on my arm halted my movement.

"I don't want you to be hurting Santana. It makes my belly ache."

"Well, B, you're hurting me because it looks to me like you are choosing him. Have you changed your mind? "Brittany had the good grace to look sheepish at the question, choosing to gaze down at her feet and sigh deeply.

"N-No." I gave her a know it all look and Brittany hastily backed down on that admission. "Well sort of I guess. I just wanted some time to think. I need time. I do you love you, S"

This girl was confusing the shit out of me and it had to stop or I'll drive myself insane. I pondered the statement the blonde had made. She wanted time. What the fuck did that mean?

"But _you _were the one pressuring me into giving you answers Brittany. You wanted to talk about feelings and rainbows and do the fucking unicorn dance into the sunset and have lady babies. I don't know what you want me to do!" The emotion I couldn't hide in my voice caused me to crack on the last word.

Brittany sighed and stared into my eyes longingly. Her beautiful eyes looked so expressive.

"I can't leave him Santana it would be cruel."

"You're being cruel to me Brittany." I shouted at the blonde girl, my voice attracting the attention of other students around the busy hallways. Brittany looked around making sure no-one was listening to my public breakdown.

"I want us to be friends. I want us to be Cheerios again and everything be like before when I only had to worry about my cat reading my diary." Brittany's childish innocence sometimes could still melt me. It was hard not to give in.

"I can't be friends with you Brittany I'm sorry. It's too hard."

"Then let's not make it hard." The blonde said evenly.

"It just doesn't work like that Britt." I replied, my voice wavering with emotion. "I can't be around you without it hurting. Maybe one day, if you change your mind and its not too late, it can happen." She looked pointedly at the blonde, who dropped her eyes to the floor.

"I'm sorry, but I have to put myself first here and it's how it has to be. For now." I breathed out, a weight lifting off my shoulders somewhat.

"Okay. If that's what you want. I'll always be here for you Santana." She breathed out a sigh and tucked her hair behind her ears. She moved away from the lockers and walked over to her class where Artie was waiting for her. She moved to push his wheelchair, looking up at me sadly before going inside.

I was now started to realise what Brittany must have felt all those times I had walked away from her. Every time I had turned her down, about singing a duet in glee club. How could I have done that. I guess karma is a bitch.

"Are you okay?" Rachel's voice brought me out of my stupor.

"I can't take this, Berry." I said breathlessly before grabbing her by the arm and dragging her towards the girls bathrooms.

"Santana Lopez unhand me this instance." Rachel was furious at the way I was kind of man handling her.

"Shut up, Midget." I led her into the bathroom as she struggled, shouting at the freshmen doing their make up in the mirrors.

"Everyone out. Now." They quickly grabbed their stuff and left not before one particular brave kid piped up.

"You're not gonna like murder her or anything are you? Not that I really care, but –"

"Listen mouth breather, if you hear any screams give me a ten minute head start before you call the police and then I won't come after you okay? Oh and don't talk to Berry like that, she's your elder, have some respect." The little kid shuffled out without a second glance.

"Now get off of me, you are clearly unstable and emotionally damaged and alone in a bathroom with you is the last place I want to be right now, and my academic record is at stake here, I can't have a tardy on my recor-

I growled loudly pressing my lips against the other girl's with as much strength as I could muster. Rachel struggled at first but then responded, opening her mouth to let my tongue stroke her own. The kiss was passionate but short, as Rachel broke away and shoved against me.

"You can't keep doing that." She spoke through heavy breaths matching my own. I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

"It's okay, if we don't talk and we don't think." I reasoned, making this shit up as I went and then leant back in to press my lips against Rachel's.

"We don't even like each other. In fact we hate each other." Rachel again broke the kiss after a moment. "This is too messed up Santana, even for you."

I just looked at the girl before me. She was out of breath and wearing a really short skirt and quite frankly she didn't look as hideous as usual. She looked hot, all dishevelled and breathess.

I wanted Rachel Berry.

It was in Berry's nature to question every little thing and I just wanted to feel something with someone I didn't give a fuck about.

"Why can't you just be happy someone as hot as me even want to kiss you McStumper?"

"You can't do that. You can't insult me and then kiss me and then insult me again. You're mean to me all the time, and it hurts my feelings. You're kind of the last person I'd ever want to kiss."

"Then why do you keep doing it Berry?." I leaned into her personal space to press my lips against her again. Her strawberry lipgloss was intoxicating. She brought her hands up around my neck and pressed against me. I ran my hands along her thighs as she moaned into my mouth.

"No stop it, stop it." She pulled away and I groaned in frustration. This shit was useless.

"We can't just keep kissing and not talking and its very, very confusing as you keep telling me how much you hate me." The shorter girl looked so confused that even Queen bitch could stop from answering her.

"I've never hated you Berry." I sighed as I met her eyes in the reflection of the mirror. "You're actually one of the more tolerable people at this school, and that is saying something."

The genuine smile she flashed at me kind of made me smile back at her. Just for a second.

"Don't get a hard on for it Berry, I just like making out and I hadn't a chance to try you yet. Damn my curious nature." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Well I don't hate you either. But I certainly don't want any more kissing and personal space invading to be taking place." She shook her head disapprovingly.

"What are you some kind of alien?" I looked at her incredulously. "You liked the kissing, but trust me it's not something I want to keep happening myself. We done here?"

"Not just yet.." Rachel spoke after a moment. I groaned out loud not wanting to be talking to this annoying girl for the rest of the day. Maybe the rest of my life

"I had the opportunity to speak to Mr Schuester on your behalf last night after rehearsals and I convinced him that if I made you promise you to be on your best behaviour he would allow you to come back to glee club next week." Boy did she look proud of herself. Oh Hell No.

"You did what!" I was outraged. The nerve of this interfering dwarf. "I don't want back in glee club. What makes you think you have any right getting involved in my business? I am not going back and you can shove it up your ass.

"But you love glee club." Rachel was surprised at my reaction. "We need you, behind Mercedes and I, you're the best singer we have."

"Yeah well I don't need any of you. I can't stand 80% of the people in that room, including Mr Schue. He's a bad teacher. He uses glee club for a vendetta with Coach Sylvester, to gain an upperhand with Miss Pilsbury and to throw back to his own youth. It's really quite disgusting."

"Whilst I agree with you that some of Mr Schuester's methods are questionable, you cannot doubt that he cares about us Glee kids."

"Yeah well he kicked me out, cause it was easier for him to do that then face up to the fact that I was provoked in that room yesterday and nobody even gives a damn or cares."

"I care." Rachel breathed out softly. "Yes you're mean and rude and manipulative, but isn't everyone a bit like that? They shouldn't have all turned on you like that yesterday and I've told you how I felt about it."

"Yeah well maybe you shouldn't. I'm not someone you want to care about Berry, I'm bad news." I shake my head at her.

"Well that's up to me to decide isn't it?" She smiled at me. "Now will you come back to glee next week after you've had time to think about it?" I shook my head at her.

"For me, please?" Rachel continued.

"Will you leave me alone, if I say I'll think about it?" This bitch just didn't give up.

"Deal." She smiled her Rachel Berry smile and made to leave the bathroom. "Oh and Santana, if you ever need to talk or anything, you can call me. I nodded at her and she closed the door behind herself.

Well fuck me sideways with a chainsaw. I guess people can surprise you huh? I sighed and pushed my sunglasses onto my face.

Screw this, I'm skipping.


	5. Eyes of a panther

A/N -sorry for the length of this one. There was a lot of dialogue I needed to get through and it was a struggle but necessary for the next chapter. Plus maybe a little pezberry kissage in this one? Keep reading :D

Chapter 5

So now it's Thursday night. Thursday night is sort of going the way Wednesday night went, if you substitute wine coolers for my dad's whisky and my bedroom for the park. I'm starting to think maybe I do need therapy. But therapy is for pussies and I'm no pussy.

I just like it.

I keep thinking of Berry. It's happened both times I've been drunk this week. It should have been Brittany I was thinking about but no such luck. It was all about annoying alien Jew midgets in my world today. I sighed and lay back against the grass, running my fingers over the green tufts. I looked at my phone and read over the text message I'd received after I skipped out on school.

'_You weren't in Spanish. Or English. Call me after school and we can talk?'_

God where did Berry get off thinking we were friends just cause she defended me at glee and cause we kissed a couple of times. I looked at my watch. 7.30pm. It wasn't that late, I didn't need to go back home yet. I was bored. Wonder if Puck will come out. Nope he's pussy whipped now. Ahh this town and its inhabitants were so beneath me. It really, really sucked. Guess drinking myself stupid is the only way forward.

"Damn it, stupid wall. Who would put a wall here?" I picked up the closest stone making sure it wasn't too big and attempted to throw it up towards Berry's window. Yes I'm also surprised that I managed to remember where she lived and which one was in fact her bedroom, but I guess even when I'm drunk I pay attention to details. Who'd of thunked it huh?

"Berry." I staged whispered when she didn't respond to my romantic rock throwing. This usually works on all the bitches. I picked up another stone and threw it up, without looking.

"Ow, ouch, holy mother of all things Barbra and sacred." Guess Rachel heard me. Too bad she hadn't spoken before I threw the stone.

"Shit." I managed to get out, whilst laughing my hot ass off. "Sorry Barb, I didn't think you'd heard me!"

"You, you deviant. Do you want to wake up my father's? Are you insane?" Rachel was angry, but her stage whispering was even worse than mine, it was rather hysterical. And she wanted to be an actress.

"Let me in and I'll be quiet. Cross my heart." I tried for a sexy smirk, but I think it probably just came out lopsided and drunken.

"You hit me. With. A. Stone." She punctuated each word, which just made me laugh harder. "Okay fine, but you have to be quiet. You're explaining yourself and then leaving."

I was still laughing as she opened the front door. She clamped her hand over my mouth and led me upstairs to her room.

"Jeez Berry, did I say you could handle the goods." I spluttered out as she closed the door and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Are you drunk again Santana? Please tell me you didn't drink all of that." She pointed towards the almost empty Jack bottle in my hand.

"Well it wasn't full when I started it Judgey Susan." She was so self righteous. "You want the last bit?"

"Certainly not. What I want is for you to explain why you are here at 11pm on a school night." I looked at her properly for the first time since I got there. She had on boy shorts with a white vest top. She looked hot.

"Damn Berry, why do your wear hideous clothes when you have a body like that?" I gestured towards her outfit and she grabbed her robe self consciously and put it on. Aw man.

"Why are you here?"

I sighed deeply. This girl could ruin Ozzy Osbourne's buzz.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go." God that sounded so pathetic and desperate. Rachel looked at me with pitying eyes and I didn't want this girl pitying me. She was the type of girl to be pitied. Not me.

"Can we not talk?" I looked over at Berry pleadingly. "For once, can we just not talk?"

"Well Santana, if this friendship is going to work, we have to talk."

"We're not friends, Berry."

The silence in the room was kind of stifling. She walked over to stand before me, her eyes not leaving mine.

"You're here for a reason. Whether you want to believe it or not. Wasn't denying your feelings the reason it didn't work with Brittany?" Rachel spoke softly.

"Don't do that!" I cried out, tears starting in my eyes. They felt hot and prickly and I had to blink them away. This isn't why I came here. "Don't talk about her. You don't know anything about what happened between us. "

"Then tell me."

"Don't act like you and Finn are anything like Brittany and I." The anger I felt overcame the tears and suddenly things changed. I was so angry. "What I felt, what I feel for Brittany is more than anything you can ever imagine, Rachel. She was my world, my best friend, my life. She's the one thing that has kept me from self destructing and now I don't have her. I don't have cheerio's and I don't have glee. I have nobody and nothing."

"You are not nothing, Santana. " She was no more than a foot away from me now, and it was kind of stifling. "You have genuine talent, you're an amazing singer and you have glee club. It's just your stupid pride that's stopping you from coming back. You need to get over yourself; this self pity party is really unattractive you know."

"You can't talk to me like that." I couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry but somebody has to. You are imploding Santana, and it's dangerous to yourself and to everyone around you. You need to snap out of it, fast." It was as if she was angry at me.

"I can be dangerous Berry. " I got really into her personal space. I'd had enough of this self-righteous bitch. "You have no idea."

The air was thick and I kind of wanted out, but not really at the same time. The consequences to these frequent interactions between myself and Rachel were now becoming clear. After this exchange, Rachel would no doubt become angry with me like the other day at school, her brown eyes full of visible hate. Or maybe it wasn't hate. Maybe confusion, or fear, or annoyance…it didn't really matter, anyways. Point is, she'd be mad as shit at me and then I'd go home then call her to apologise and we'd probably end up making out.

"Santana…" Rachel whispered softly, her breath smelling of toothpaste and we are so close right now its hard to separate us.

"Yeah?"

Berry shifted her weight to her right foot, her right arm almost touching my side and it was almost electric. When she didn't answer, I continued.

"How far did you get with Finn? Did he ever excite you like I can?"

The statement caused Rachel's heart to beat faster, obvious that due to our position her mind was unclear as to where this conversation was going to head.

"Don't talk about Finn." My knuckles were white, as I moved to grip the windowsill either side of where Rachel leant against it.

"You know…have you ever, got really turned on by him. Like you feel now?"

Rachel glanced down at the floor then back up towards me.

"Don't talk about Finn." She said between gritted teeth.

"…Why not?"

"Well, he's my ex boyfriend and I don't really think about talking about my personal life with people I barely know." I was really starting to piss her off. It felt good.

I leaned forward, pretending to search for Finn, out of the window behind her.

"He's not here now is he?" I laughed softly, and took a sip from my whisky bottle then moved to offer Rachel some. She shook her head.

Rachel's voice rose in volume, a fake confidence replacing the formerly shaky tone.

"I really think you should leave, before something happens we both will regret."

I swallowed deep, my emotions were on the verge of betraying me as I began to lose control of the situation. I watched as she bit her bottom lip, her right foot tapping against the floor as if becoming impatient with my game. I smiled to myself.

"Santana?"

"Yeah," the words spilling out of me distractedly as if the three letters of her response would make her fall again into my spell.

"Go home."

I was drowning. My fingers lost their grip on the empty bottle and we both watched it fall to the floor, spilling the rest of its content to the floor.

I opened my mouth to speak, my tongue dry and pasty, and my lower jaw trembling uncontrollably.

"I'm not sure if I can. "

I pressed my body against hers again, the cold metal of my belt startling Rachel as it pressed against her bare skin where her shorts didn't meet her vest.

"…I need you to go home. We can talk tomorrow if you want?"

A tear spilled down my right cheek and I swiped it away quickly, hoping Rachel couldn't really see my face in the dark room. Anger flowed through my body, directed at Rachel for making me care, making me want to come here and kiss her and touch her when I didn't even like to be in her company. Not that much. I had nowhere else to go.

_This was all so fucking wrong._

I leaned forward, shivering slightly from something other than just the weather outside. It was cold in Ohio without a jacket.

"Come on. I know you want this as much as I do." I placed my hands onto the bare upper arms of the brunette and began to move them up and down slowly causing Rachel to take a visible deep breath and release the air slowly. Goosebumps began to rise under the skin being touched. I caught Rachel's gaze and stared back intensely. I could see the desire in the other girl's eyes. And boy was it hard to look away.

Rachel launched herself forward unexpectedly and pressed her lips aggressively against my partially opened mouth. Fuck that was hot. We were tilting our heads from one side to another, tongues meeting in a passionate dance. Rachel bit down on my bottom lip hard.

"Fuck Rach" I exclaimed before dipping my head down and capturing her lips with my own once more. Rachel tried to turn us around briefly with strength I didn't know she possessed. Instead I pushed Rachel up hard against her dressing table. She let out a sudden gasp of pain as her back connected with the edge of the table, but I had no intention of stopping kissing the shorter girl.

She let out a groan and lent her head back, further exposing her neck which was being nibbled, kissed and sucked aggressively by a horny latina.

"What are you doing to me?" I whispered, causing Rachel to stop and gaze into my eyes.

"We need to stop. Please." She begged, breathlessly. I pulled away and tried to get my breathing under control. "I can't do this with you Santana. I mean it this time. You need to go home."

"Fine, I'll go. But you don't know what you're missing out on Berry. We'd be hot together."

"I'm not denying that's an attractive propostition, But you and I both know you're not in the right frame of mind to be doing this with anyone, let alone with me. Someone whose trying to help you. We shouldn't blur the lines here." Rachel had put on her resolve face, which I was becoming quite familiar with.

"Okay Berry. I guess I'll leave." I moved over to the door. "Sorry about spilling stuff on your carpet." I gestured at the bottle of whisky on the floor.

"It's fine Santana. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye Berry." I closed the door after me.


	6. A friend in need's a friend indeed

Hey guys. This is kind of the last chapter I have written up for this story so updates may be less frequent. Reviews are inspiration though, so thanks for the ones I have so far.

Also in my story, Santana and Sam didn't really happen. Not in 'oh I'd sing an original song to him to make Brittany jealous kind of way.' Anyway hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Chapter 6 – A Friend in need's a friend indeed

I skipped out on school on Friday too, and for the first time since I started high school, I stayed home spent time with my family and didn't touch a drop of alcohol all weekend. I also didn't speak to Brittany and that hasn't happened since middle school. The situation still sucks, but it seems like the pain gets a little less every day. It still hurts to wake up and know I can't pick up the phone and talk to her, but at least it doesn't hurt to breathe like it did at first.

Maybe we could be friends after all.

Or maybe I need a huge ass reality check. We couldn't go a week without ending up in some scissor power move combo, all sweaty and naked and unnff.

Sluts.

Now as everybody already knows, I am an extremely sexual being. I'm a Scorpio for Christ sakes. I need me regular orgasms, otherwise I get cranky. Well, crankier than usual. Ever since Britt cut me off from any kind of touch I've been fantasising about another girl. A short, annoying midget girl.

Rachel Dwarfette Berry.

Man hands.

Treasure Trail.

That girl can kiss. It's pretty awesome to know that her mouth comes in handy for something other than talking you to death. I like kissing; she's pretty good at it. What I don't like however is all the talking she likes to do. Thankfully I haven't spoken to her since that night in her room where I acted like a total ass and tried to seduce her. I blame the booze.

The girl irritates me to no end, believe me. Sometimes I think about different ways in which her life comes to an end. My new favourite is watching Sam swallowing her in one gulp. That one always brings up a chuckle.

The problem I have is that, yeah she's annoying, irritating and she gets on my last nerve but she's kind of hot in her own way, and she's the only person at McKinley who seems to want to give me the time of day. The way she spoke up for me, and even tried to get Mr Schue to let me back into glee club was really cool. Cool and Rachel Berry aren't words I'd usually expect to end up in a sentence, but in these circumstances I think it's appropriate.

I seem to regret making that choice of words however, because Monday morning I haven't had chance to open my locker, and she's at me like a rabid dog.

"I'm extremely disappointed in you Santana Lopez, you ignored all of my calls and texts, even emails all weekend. I was worried sick that you'd fallen into a ditch in a drunken stupor and no-one could find you, and you were dying alone in this world."

"First off Berry, thanks that was really depressing." I open my locker, not even looking at her as I speak. "Second off, I didn't reply because I went to my grandmother's all weekend and switched off my phone so I wouldn't call Brittany." I looked up at her for a moment, and she sort of looked a bit disappointed, but quickly plastered a determined look on her face.

"Okay that's fine and dandy, but you missed another day of school. If you keep doing that Mr Schuester will never allow you to rejoin glee club and regional's are next we—"

"Hold up." I raise my hand to stop her incessant chatter. "I never said I was going back to glee club."

"But we're doing original songs."

"That's the suckiest idea I've ever heard. I thought we already shot you down on that once." Writing songs seemed lame. Why give yourself extra work?

"Quinn actually agreed on it, therefore the whole club came around to my way of thinking. We're working on a song today at lunch to show glee club after school. Please say you'll come? At least hear what we come up with."

Now I had to admit, my curiosity was getting the better of me. I know Fabray better than anyone at this school. She taught me how to be manipulative, and the only reason she'd do anything with Rachel Berry, would be to fuck her over. It'd be nice to see someone else's drama for a change, take my mind off my own misery.

"Ok I'm in. See you in glee." I strode off down the hallway shaking my ass side to side. There's no way even the straightest chick in the world wouldn't look when I do that. And yeah, messing with Berry's head had to be the biggest mindfuck ever and I probably wasn't doing myself any favours, but I just can't resist a challenge.

I turn back slowly to see if she's watching me, and I notice her mouth open a little and her eyes were definitely not glued to the back of my head. I give her a little wave and she shakes her head to snap out of her little trance.

Busted.

So it turns out going back to glee wasn't as hard as I expected. Mr Schue welcomed me back, Mercedes seemed pretty happy to see me, even gave me a high five. Mike and Tina have always been cool with me and I was down with them too. Sure most of the people in that room didn't like me, Finn was practically steaming at the ears, but they're down with my talent, and I'm all for showing off my skills when it comes to singing. Like Berry said, they need me.

Speaking of Berry, when I took a seat to hear some of the songs people came up with, there was some undeniable tension in the room. I watched the glances between Rachel, Finn and Quinn and I knew something was up. When Rachel didn't even get up to sing my suspicions were confirmed. Quinn must have done something to her. Was it weird that I felt a bit of anger about it.

When glee club finished up and everyone moved out, Berry stayed behind shuffling her sheet music, and she just looked so sad and pathetic I felt a little twinge of sympathy for her. It was nauseating. What the hell was I thinking? Engaging the talked one in a conversation wilfully.

"Everything ok Berry, cause you kinda look like someone stole the secret recipe to your sugar cookies?" I don't know why I was talking to her. It was kind of like word vomit.

"Not really Santana. I'm really not in the mood for being insulted any more today so if you wouldn't mind I'd like to try and write my song alone." She seemed so sad and hurt and it sucked.

"Sure whatever you want." I sighed and picked my bag up and closed the classroom door behind me. I noticed Quinn leaning against her locker in the empty corridor and couldn't help but say something to her.

"What did you do to Berry? She looks like someone kicked her puppy or something?" I asked, trying to keep my voice nonchalant.

"None of your business." She didn't even look at me when she spoke. Fabray is so rude sometimes.

"Whatever. Something must have happened when you guys were working on your song." I questioned.

"Look Santana, Rachel and I aren't working on anything together. Jesus do you not think we share a little too much in our lives already for it to be considered healthy? I'm more interested in why you care if she's upset or not? You hate her." Quinn loved being in control and I could see where she was going with this.

"I don't hate her." I shake my head. "She's a freak and she's annoying, but I don't hate her. And I don't think its cool that you're still contininuing to torture her. Leave her alone."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing. You. Santana Lopez want me to torture Berry less. Who started off those pornographic drawings of her in the girls bathroom, cause I know it wasn't me."

"You take it too far Quinn. I like giving her a hard time sure. But I think you want to destroy her, and that, I'm just not down with." I crossed my arms and gave her my best menacing stare.

"Look Santana, if you've got a hard on for Berry, however repulsive it may be, that's fine with me. As long as it keeps her away from my boyfriend. You're both pathetic, so it makes sense." The sneer she sends my way makes me want to punch her. In fact I'm about to draw my fist back and give this bitch a lesson in pain, when another hand stops me.

"No Santana don't." Berry speaks calmly. "Please, don't fight on my behalf."

"Presumptious much Rach." I sneer. "I just want Quinn here to know that nobody calls me pathetic and gets away with it."

"Whatever. Like I said, you don't scare me. Just keep your little lesbo love affairs to yourselves okay? Bye." I watched her walk away, the only sounds the clicking of Quinn's heels against the floor, and my deep angry breaths.

"I appreciate you defending me, Santana it was extremely honourable." Rachel spoke softly from behind me. I turned to face her.

"I was defending myself. I just hate that bitch, she shouldn't give you such a hard time, ya know?"

"Well whatever your intentions, thank you. Nobody really has stood up for me like that before." She smiles up sadly at me. She looks cute.

"Don't mention it. No I mean it, really don't mention it. To anyone." I threaten. My rep was in tatters as it was.

Rachel didn't speak only motioned to zip her mouth. Guess the secret was safe with her.

"Wanna tell me what it was all about?" I ask but really I know the answer.

"No that's okay. Thank you for the offer though."

I nodded my head at her. This is probably the nicest we've ever been to each other in the 3 years I'd known her. Before I could think about what I was saying I'd already spoken.

"Do you want to come over to my house and hang? We could maybe go over some song ideas for glee?" What am I doing? I have no control over my mouth, I just feel so sorry for her.

"You mean it?" She flashed her Rachel Berry smile at me.

"Sure, but we're not doing each others hair or nails or any of that shit. Ok?" She nodded at me and I motioned for her to follow me. I walked a few steps in front of her.

This was a fucked up day. A very very fucked up day.


	7. You're a Lima loser baby like me

Chapter 7 – You're a lima loser baby like me

Bringing Rachel Berry back to my house might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that she's actually here and the reality of the situation is kicking in, I'm starting to think what the hell I got myself in for.

We absolutely have nothing in common, apart from the fact we like to insult each other and then maybe kiss for a while and then go back to pretending to hate one another again. Now we're sitting cross legged facing each other on my bed doing Spanish homework, she _insisted_ on doing, and not really talking at all. I let out a loud sigh to let her know that this wasn't my idea of fun. Like at all.

"Something bothering you Santana?" she asked me distractedly.

"Yeah now that you ask. This is freaking boring. " I sigh again, to punctuate how much I'm really not enjoying this.

"Well it was your idea for me to come over. I must say, I was quite surprised at the offer." Rachel put down her pencil and looked at me.

"I'm starting to regret it now that's for sure." I smirked at the shorter girl.

"Gosh, just when I think you're starting to be nice." She sighed and shook her at head at me before picking up her pencil and continuing with her work.

"Oh I'm anything but nice; you should know that by now short stack." I sniggered at her, but the look in Rachel's eyes made me feel bad for the way I was speaking to her.

"Oh, don't go soft on me Berry. It's just a bit of harmless banter. I don't mean anything by it." I tried to reason with her but I don't think she wanted to listen.

"I should go."

"Uh, ok?" I countered.

"Is this how it's always going to be?"

"What?" I really didn't get where she was going with this. She was totally overreacting and freaking.

"I've tried so hard to be your friend but I wonder, are you doing the same? Is this part of your master plan, make me try to be your friend while you pretend to return the favour and hurt me over and over again? Are you working on some sick cruel game with Quinn?"

"Quinn?" I asked, confused. I put my books to the side and moved my hand to Rachel's shoulder until it was shrugged off. "I'd never be that cruel."

"Wouldn't you? Because you've done things like this before."

"You're not just talking about being civil to each other recently are you Berry? If you're worried about the kissing thing then get over it. It didn't mean anything and I'm certainly not trying to screw you over. You had my back last week and appreciate it. I'm in a messed up place right now, you said so yourself and I'm sorry that you got dragged into it."

Rachel didn't reply. I took it as confirmation that she understood and accepted what I was saying.

"We're not friends, Santana!" Rachel exploded. "You and me, we're never going to be friends. I don't have anyone who wants to be my friend. I don't have anyone who cares about me."

"It's not about that! This isn't to hurt you, none of it is. I am trying to be your friend, but you're making it really difficult because right now, I don't know what to think. I'm just trying to figure things out."

"But you're hurting me."

"How am I hurting you?" I replied. "You're going to have to explain a little here, because I really don't know where you're going with this."

"Quinn said something to me today. About her, about Finn and about how I don't belong here. She's right. I don't fit in at school, I don't fit in anywhere."

"What and you think I do?" I made a move to get off the bed and stand in front of her. "I don't belong here either Rachel. But you can't put all that shit on me, whatever Quinn said or did; it's not everybody's opinion of you here. It's not mine."

I watched the wretched expression on the brunette's face and walked closer. "Everything's a mess and way too complicated...but it's going to get better," I promised trying to convince myself more than her. I was shit at the comforting thing.

She shook her head, eyes clouded with emotion. "It's not," she stressed. "It's so simple."

"Not for me, it isn't." I really didn't like where this was going. It was making me feel like shit. "And it's not like I get some sick kick out of hurting you like Quinn."

"I think part of you does."

"You have no idea how I feel. You don't know what I think about every night before I go to sleep, and you don't know because I don't tell you! I couldn't tell anyone the shit that goes through my head." I stared intently at the shorter girl and couldn't believe that a simple offer to hang with Berry would turn into Dr Phil's fucking rehab therapy session so quickly.

"Do you like me?"

The question was asked so quietly, so desperately that I couldn't answer right away.

"Like you, as a friend?" I asked, confused as to what she meant.

"Well no, more than that?" She looked up from the spot on the floor she had been focusing on. She looked so sad. "Do you think that I'm attractive?"

"Uh, umm sure Berry. Uh Rachel. You're pretty."

"You don't sound so sure."

"No I do. Yes of course I think you're attractive. But, uh, I'm a little confused as to why you want to ask me that?"

Rachel sighed deeply before she spoke.

"I just want to feel attractive to somebody. I want somebody to just want me."

"Rachel..."

Without a sound, Rachel turned and kissed me; the desperation and intent forcing me back to rest my hands behind me on the floor.

We pulled apart, and I took one look at her and was swept up in a sea of desire. She had been driving me crazy all week, making me face up to the fact that I was all kinds of fucked up. What we were doing right now was fucked up, I was taking advantage of her fragile emotional state and I'd knew we'd regret it, but I couldn't fucking stop.

So when Rachel pulled her mouth away from mine and lowered it to my neck, kissing and biting wherever she went I didn't stop her. Her tongue brushed across sensitive skin as her hand brazenly travelled down the my torso and under my shirt, cupping the gentle weight of my breast, massaging and tweaking until I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. If she needed to take whatever the shit was she was going through out on me, then I'd let her. Let us be fucked up together.

I pulled Rachel's slight frame tighter against my hips, rejoining our mouths. It was easy to get caught up in another person, another person who felt like you did. Loser's together with no-one left to turn to but each other, to evoke kinds of reactions we'd both been dreaming about for months, from other people. Those other people didn't matter now, not for these few moments.

They didn't matter at all.

I slid my hands underneath Rachel's fucking gross reindeer sweater as her teeth took her bottom lip between them and tugged back, soothing it with a sweep of her tongue.

She shivered as my lips and tongue got to work on her neck. I bet nobody had ever kissed her the way I did. Not Finn or Puckerman or Jessie. They were stupid boys who didn't know what they were doing. Not like me.

I pushed into her, attempting to lay her on her back on the floor, but Rachel braced herself against me with one leg still slung across my lap. She shook her head. "Wait."

It was the red light of warning signs I'd become used to with her recently.

"I don't want to fucking wait." I exclaimed running my hand up Rachel's leg. "You can't start something like this and expect me to stop."

"We spent the afternoon together." Rachel said, running her tongue over her lips when her eyes refused to look up from my mouth. "We yelled and I cried."

"And we kissed." I wasn't letting her out of this one. "Again."

She detached herself from my body. "I think we could use some time."

"I have nothing but time Rachel. I don't want you to leave. So just stay here." This wasn't me. Santana Lopez didn't beg, but she was bringing out something desperate in me.

Rachel looked unsure. "I can't. I can't give myself to you on your bedroom floor because a girl said something mean to me at school. If I did that every time someone hurt me, I'd be the biggest slut at Mckinley."

"What's the point of saving yourself for anyone? It's just sex Rachel. It makes the pain dull for a while. You need to let yourself go for once, you might enjoy it."

"I'd be betraying my values. It wouldn't be right. You have some kind of control over me and I think what we're doing is really unhealthy. We can't be each other's substitutes."

"Why not?"

"Because." Rachel walked over to me and pulled me to stand on my feet. She brushed an errant lock of hair behind my ear. "Because, I'm not her, and you're not him. I really am sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have kissed you or taken things out on you."

"It's okay." I nodded. "Kind of deserve it for everything I've put you through over the years."

"That's in the past Santana. I think we should stay away from each other for a while, okay?" I nodded again in agreement with her.

"Do you need a ride home?"

"No, I'll walk thanks." She gathered her things and put them into her backpack. I watched, not really being able to move. I kind of wanted to stop her, to ask her to stay with me, but it wouldn't have ended well. She moved to the door.

"I wish things could be different. I'll see you around okay?"

Then she was gone, and I was left alone again. A feeling that was being to feel a lot like coming home.


	8. Xxzxcuzx

Chapter 8 - Xxzxcuzx

We did avoid each other. I didn't talk to Rachel for the whole week. I spent my time hanging out with Puckerman and some of the more tolerable members of the glee club. When Artie and Brittany had turned up, I made my excuses and left. I still wasn't ready for that.

Thing is, I really did miss talking to Berry so I made up my mind on Monday after school, to go down to the choir room and see her. When I reach the door it's open slightly, and I can tell she's in there because I can hear the soft sounds of her piano playing and humming. We have regional's on Saturday and we've still been struggling to come up with good enough songs for the competition. I know she'll come with something, though, she's really talented.

_Ugh, Berry._

Why am I even start to think nice things about her? I guess it's got to be better than saying them out loud. I open the door, but I'm not even sure if she wants to talk to me after last week. It was a pretty intense situation we were in right now. Rachel spins around on the bench and now she's facing me with a look somewhat similar to fear gracing her features.

"Santana..." she draws out warily."Aren't we supposed to be taking some time apart right now?"

I roll my eyes, mentally reprimanding myself for doing this when I knew it'd be a bad idea. Stupid dwarf.

"Whatever. It's not just your choir room Snookie, it's open to anyone."

I sit down in a chair on the back row and I can feel her eyes watching my every move. I prop my feet up on a chair opposite and look over to her.

"What?"

"I just. I don't understand why you're here. It's kind of unnerving for me." Rachel spoke quietly.

"I'm just here. Pretend I'm not, do whatever you were doing before." I gesture for her to turn her attention back to the piano.

"Won't this be weird?"

"I'm just observing the stuff you're writing for regionals. I don't want to sing a crappy song about a headband."

"Yes, well, I'm not working on anything for glee." Rachel shifted her weight on the piano bench."After the other day, I don't know... there are so many mixed signals and we still haven't talked about it. I feel extremely uncomfortable."

I sighed deeply and picked up my stuff. Rachel's face seemed to fall a little bit, as if she thought I was going to leave, but I walked over to the piano bench and sat next to her. I hear her take an uncomfortable breath, and roll my eyes at her. Geesh does she think I'm some kind of rapist or something.

"Rachel, the other day was... I was doing what you wanted me to do."

"What _you _wanted too."

I nodded carefully. "I don't regret it, if that's what you've been thinking. I don't think we did anything wrong Rachel. I don't know why the hell I don't regret it, I just don't."

"I haven't known what to think. It gets hectic up here in my head sometimes."

"Well I know you stare at me when you think I'm not looking." I smirk at her trying to provoke a reaction.

"I do not do that," Berry denied. "You are such an egomaniac bigheaded girl."

"But you don't regret it?"

Rachel shook her head. "I don't think I regret any of it." She looked sideways at me. "That doesn't mean it was the right thing to happen. It's just all confusing. I want to be your friend, but I also sometimes really want to kiss you."

"There's a term for that. Friends with benefits" I laughed softly "Seriously though I'd rather you figure it out with me than without me. Not all this ignoring bullshit."

"But I don't want to use you for anything. And I really don't want to be used by you for anything either." Rachel blushed as she spoke.

"Hey, I don't mind being used at all, especially if it's by a pretty hot, all be it annoying chick. I wouldn't totally hold it against you. I know I did a lot of stuff to make you hate me."

Rachel closed her eyes for a second. "You know, hatred only brings on more hatred. I don't hate anyone."

"Not even Quinn?"

"No" Rachel shook her head. "Not even Quinn."

"You know what I think," My head was just telling me to be honest in this situation. "It's weird, but when we've been hanging out and you've been normal, we kind of get along. It's as if right now, you're the only person who gets me. Or at least the only person who wants to put up with me. And I hate talking about shit like this, I don't tell people how I feel."

"You're doing okay."

An uncomfortable silence stretched on for a few moments.

Rachel propped her head up on her elbow "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking does it matter if I kiss you right now? Is it actually going to hurt anyone? Because I really don't think it will." I looked into her chocolate brown eyes, searching for an answer my gaze eventually dropping to Rachel's full, waiting lips. I leaned in to kiss her, lips barely making contact when she stopped, her fingers pressing against my mouth to stop temptation.

Is she fucking serious? I literally pulled out all my moves. Sensitive girl and everything.

Rachel didn't pull away from me completely "Tell me you still want to be friends."

My hand came to rest on Rachel's arm, running my fingers upward until they came into contact with the back of her hand. I stroked the skin, and pushed my fingers underneath Berry's to have a loose hold of her hand. Her hands really were nothing like a mans, so why Quinn came up with Manhands, I'll never know.

"I want to try."I moved my head closer to hers, before speaking again. "But I also won't deny that I really, really want you."

I pressed forward to the brunette's side and pressed my lips against hers.

It felt different this time, less hurried and quick and more with the need to kiss instead of touch; where the only time our bodies moved was to turn or push into each other. My hands remained, one on the piano bench holding my body weight and the other running through Rachel's hair. This felt good; it felt more real than the times before.

We continued to kiss, for a long time each brush of the tongue and press of lips causing Rachel to shiver, and then came the near overwhelming urge to devour her mouth with my own. I wanted to crawl inside her. I could feel something take over my body, something primal.

"Come to my house." I pulled away and asked breathlessly. "Nobody is home."

She answered only with a nod, which I really didn't expect, what with her being all holier than thou.

The drive to my house was tension filled as you would expect and, I just put on the radio to drown out my own turned on breaths. We didn't speak; just let the music take us away from the situation. From what I hoped was about to go down.

Hopefully me.

When we got inside, she followed me up to my room.

"We don't love each other." She spoke out, breaking the awkward silence.

"Haven't we already been through this?" I sighed. The hot and cold thing was my trick. I didn't want it turned around on me. She didn't answer so I stepped forward into her personal space and once again kissed her with all the passion I could muster.

Her brows creased and she pulled away, just barely, enough to beg, "I can't give myself to someone I don't love." Rachel's voice had a breathy quality to it, and the way she was bunching up my shirt in a slight grip, with her tiny hands contradicted what she was saying.

"I'll take what I can get."

Berry's eyes were an intense shade of brown, dark with unrelenting desire. "It won't be everything."

"I'm not asking for everything. I'm asking for anything."

Rachel launched herself forward unexpectedly and pressed her lips aggressively against my partially opened mouth. I returned the kiss as best she could, but Rachel was ferocious. Tilting our heads from one side to another, our tongues met in a passionate dance. I pulled her over to the bed and lay down pulling Rachel on top of me. When she was pulled on top, lips re-captured, my thigh finding its way between her legs, I knew that innocently sharing a couple of kisses with her would be impossible, and would still always lead to more. The spark I felt that first time had reignited into a blaze.

With my hands tangled in her hair, Rachel kissed back as hard and fast as I did. She let out a groan and lent her head back, further exposing her neck which was being nibbled, kissed and sucked aggressively by me.

"Shit, what are you doing to me?" I whispered, causing Rachel to stop and gaze into her secret lover's eyes. I liked the idea of a secret lover.

"Don't stop. Please." She begged and I wasn't about too. My hands went to the zipper of Rachel's skirt and there should have been alarm bells going off in my head, warning that this was too fast, that she was a virgin, but I ignored that voice. Screw the angel on my shoulder, and listen to the devil on the other one. She was more fucking fun.

I removed Berry's skirt before capturing the other girl's lips in an open mouthed kiss. She ran her hands all over my back, lifting my shirt and scraping her fingernails hard along the exposed flesh. I placed my thigh back in between Rachel's legs, encouraged by the shorter girl's grunt at the friction.

With the demand coming from Rachel this time, less than a minute later, I had her mouth back against my own, swept up in a sensual kiss when I felt the brunette girl's hand slip underneath my vest, and then over my over-sensitive skin, inching upward to my breasts. I let out an appreciative groan, to let her know I like what she was doing. A lot.

"Oh god." Rachel whimpered as the rough material of my bra scraped across her own as I ridded her of her shirt. Her hands, now placed on my hips squeezed softly. "Take this off" I tugged at the shorter girl's bra, then watched with hooded eyes as she reached around to undo the clasp, releasing her breasts, looking up at me shyly.

_'God she's beautiful.'_

Not breaking the gaze Rachel watched as I leaned down slowly to capture her hard nipple with her hot, warm mouth. I felt like my heart was beating faster and slower at the same time. It didn't make sense, this whole thing didn't make sense but it felt so goddamn good that I couldn't give that a second thought. I moaned lowly as I felt Rachel sit up and push my bra up under my t-shirt. Slowly she moved her tongue to flick over my nipple then bite down softly. I squirmed and pushed her back onto the bed. This was about her.

"I don't want to give you my virginity." Rachel breathed out quietly as I was about to move down her body.

"It's cool; I'll just go down on you, no biggie. I won't take your cherry." Berry's cherry. God I was so turned on, I just wanted to taste her. The things I was saying weren't even making sense to my own ears.

"Oral is sex, I'm not stupid."

"Look, I just want to make you feel good. I can show you what you're missing out on Berry. I won't go inside; you'll still be a virgin." I tried to reason with her. I could see how hesitant she was, so I leaned down and kissed her softly. She pulled away and nodded her head, and I took that as my answer.

I moved to straddle Rachel's waist and placed kisses all over the upper-half of her body before working my way down. I slowly removed the brunette girl's panties before settling between her naked thighs.

"You sure this is okay?" I asked again softly.

"I'm not sure. But I know that I don't want you to stop."

The first contact of my tongue caused Rachel to moan loudly and thrust her hips almost violently up into my face. She moaned again as I continued to move my tongue over her, alternating between fast and then slow and then fast again until I felt Rachel's thighs grip tightly against my head. At that moment I sucked her clit into my mouth hard.

"Shit, Shit." Rachel gasped. I could feel her shake as the orgasm built and built until it finally hit, devastatingly so, leaving her open-mouthed and gasping for air. She pulled me back up for a kiss, moaning heavily into my mouth. This felt good. No. This felt fucking fantastic.

I'm fucking awesome.

Then something so strange happened as she pulled away, still breathless. Her shoulder's started to shake, and then suddenly she was sobbing softly. Her hands moved up to cover her eyes from me and when I made to take her in my arms she pushed me away and turned over, facing away from me.

I sighed and rolled onto my back, not knowing what the hell to do. Nobody had cried when I'd gone down on them before. What does one do in this situation?

Shit.


	9. Shape Shifter

A/N:- Hey guys thanks for the reviews. I appreciate any feedback I get, constructive and whatnot. I'd be interested to know if you would prefer the story to be wrapped up in a couple more chapters or you'd be interested if it continues on for a while longer yet? I think there's a few things I can do with the characters, but I do have a new story in my head at the moment. I'd like to finish up this one first. Anyway's hope you enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 9 – Shape Shifter

Everybody knows I'm really not the best person to be comforting anybody, certainly not in a situation like this. Rachel has had her back to me for the last few moments. I keep opening my mouth to speak, but everything I try to say would just come out sounding stupid. Her sobs have ceased though, so that's a plus. She only sniffles loudly every now and again.

"Are you okay?"

She doesn't answer so I place my hand on her back and physically turn her on her back. I move her hands down away from her face.

"Rachel, you're freaking me out."

"... I'm just embarrassed." She sobs softly. "I didn't expect this to happen."

Ok, that hurt a bit. I don't understand at all why she's getting so freaked out about this. Again.

"Do you regret it?" I ask softly, trying to keep my anger in check. My usual reaction would to be mad; I mean I did ask the girl if she wanted to go through with it.

"I don't." She looked over and met my eyes.

"Then just don't think about it, and certainly don't get so freaked out. It would also be nice if you didn't seem so disgusted at the thought of it." I rolled my eyes at her.

"I'm not disgusted, don't be stupid. I just feel strange. I can't help feeling strange about it. And you're just acting like it's no big deal."

She was seriously starting to grate on my nerves now. I sat up and moved off the bed, throwing my shirt back on and grabbed a band to tie my hair with.

"Then don't make it strange. God you make everything into the hugest fucking deal. Just chill out and we'll just hang; pretend it never happened if you want." I watched as Rachel began to get dressed. I turned my back so she wouldn't get freaked out at me watching her. Plus, seeing her body was starting to get me hot again.

"I don't want to pretend it didn't happen."

"Then what do you want?" I shouted now, my anger getting the better of me. This girl was totally messing up my head.

"Can I have a hug?"

The way she said this, it made my anger just dissipate. It was so innocent, so naive. It's hard to believe that this girl was sixteen years old sometimes. I shake my head to side to side, smiling at her and her silly behaviour.

"Come here then." I open my arms and she moved closer to me. I wrapped the shorter girl up tight in my arms and breathed out a sigh.

"What am I going to do with you huh Berry?" Sex wasn't supposed to be this complicated. I knew that Rachel would be a clingy girl type, but I still couldn't stop myself from wanting her. "We're friends right?" I feel her nod against my chest. "We were having fun, why would I screw it up? You can trust that I'm not going to fuck you over, Rach."

"I just don't want you to laugh at me behind my back because I don't have any experience and I really don't know what I'm doing."

I move out of the embrace. Is she crazy? I can't believe she thinks that I would go and talk about this with people from school. What is her god-damn problem?

"You think I would talk to people about this? Jesus dwarf, why the hell would I want anyone to know at school, my rep is bad enough as it is." As soon as I saw the hurt look on Rachel's face I wanted to take the words back and swallow them back down to the place they had came from. The place deep within me that hurls out insults at people as a stupid self defence mechanism. I hate myself sometimes.

"I should have known this would be a mistake."

"No Rach, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

I made to step forward to grab her before she made it out of my bedroom door. She almost made it away from me but I caught her arm desperately and pulled her backwards so abruptly that she stumbled, falling into me.

"No," Rachel complained during her attempt to push me away and free herself from an unwanted embrace, the heel of her palm painfully digging into my shoulder. "Let me go."

I tightened my hold and leaned forward and pressed the side of my head against Rachel's. "I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it, just let me explain."

"Get off me...you're just a...mean girl."

"I'm not that girl with you. You make me better. I didn't mean it." I tried to reason with her as she pushed me back, but not far enough.

"Every time I think we're getting somewhere Santana, we take two steps back. Friends don't say things like that to each other."

I didn't have an excuse for what I had said and how I had acted towards her but the feel of my body against hers was intoxicating in the way I knew I would soon be facing the repercussions, but I didn't care.

I really didn't care.

I breathed in Rachel's perfume. "I'm so sorry, for everything," I whispered close to her ear.

She closed her eyes, slowly relaxing against me no matter how much she wished otherwise, and eventually began to cry; a faint, restrained sob against my shoulder and I fucking hated myself for hurting this girl. I hurt everyone and everything I touch turns to shit.

I moved my hands to the small of her back now, pulling her closer. "I'm sorry," I repeated softly, and then I lowered my arms to let go of her just like she'd asked me to.

And then her mouth was on mine again. We were like magnets, inexplicably drawn to each other, no matter what the consequences might be. No matter how much we seem to hurt, it always comes back to this spark between us.

Rachel's hands slowly unravelled from loose fists, dragging over the belt around my waist and underneath the top covering my stomach. I felt myself react as I always seem to whenever Rachel Berry touches me.

Rachel wasn't gentle when she pushed her blunt nails into sensitive skin and scored downward, pressing her lips against my neck as soon as she heard the soft intake of breath that escaped past my lips.

She pulled back, looking at me while she opened her eyes and I watched them turn serious and dart down to my mouth.

We kissed with passion and urgency that has become a regular occurrence for us now, and Rachel responded as soon as she felt my lips against her own. Head slanted, she opened her mouth to accept the fast attempt to deepen our kiss and my hands found their way to her hips, pulling her closer.

We were quickly getting caught up —as we always seemed to, Rachel leaning into me, moaning softly into my mouth.

God she was so fucking hot.

Keeping the pace, I didn't hold back and kissed her every way I goddamn wanted to. My mind kept returning to every bad choice I'd made regarding Rachel Berry and Brittany and Quinn and Sam, like a never ending montage haunting my every day existence, rolling like an endless slide show behind my eyes.

I moaned and pressed our hips together and tried to block it from my mind, pushing her against the dressing table.

Rachel didn't pull away quickly; she made it natural and returned every kiss she was given until she was out of breath. "Santana?" she said afterwards, her mouth close to my ear. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I whispered.

"Why do we hurt each other when it can feel this good?" she whispered after a while, easily slipping away from my body and pushed against my hands that had stilled at her hips.

She didn't look back once as she stormed out of the house, slamming the door shut behind her.

Rachel Berry was making a habit of storming out and leaving me hanging here without a clue in the world what to do next. I know deep down what she's saying is true, but I didn't have any fucking answers for her. I just know that no matter what I try to tell myself, I can't stay away from her.

And I know she feels the same way too.


	10. Ghost ride the whip

Thank you so much for the reviews. Hope you enjoy this chapter. There might not be an update for a few days as I'm having an operation on my hand. I'll have to see how easy it is to type :P

Chapter 10 – Ghost Ride the whip

I know I'm hot shit. I could take my pick from any boy or girl at McKinley, so why I keep finding myself so hung up on an annoying, overdramatic height challenged girl is beyond my comprehension. I spent pretty much the whole of Regional's watching her from the shadows like some creepy weird stalker type. But I had to admit, she fucking killed it on stage. She was just so talented, so much better than the rest of us. She was too good to be stuck in Lima with us losers. She was far too good for any of it.

She won't talk to me, won't return my calls and the only time we've interacted in the past week and half was in glee club. And even then she won't give me the chance to talk about anything other than freaking show tunes and solos. It's frustrating.

So I'm here on a Friday afternoon, sitting through another of one of Mr Schue's inspirational speeches, thinking this is how the Potentials must have felt on Buffy. God that curly haired freak really loved the sound of his own voice. I'm just relieved when rehearsals finish up and I can get out of here, back to my house and get ready for the post regional's party tonight at Puckerman's. I need to get as wasted as possible if I'm going to get through a night without wanting to jump Berry's bones or stare longingly at Brittany and Artie.

So. Fucking. Tragic.

I head over to Puck's house after 9, fashionably late as usual cause I knows how to make an entrance. I spend the first few rounds knocking back shots with Mercedes and Tina in one corner, and I'm totally surprised to see Berry with booze in her hand. After the incident at Alcohol Awareness week, I didn't expect to see her drinking again so soon. I turn away from her, not wanting her to catch me staring over. Instead I switch my attention over to Brittany sitting in Artie's lap and laughing along with Quinn and Sam. That was depressing.

This party blows.

I grab a couple of wine coolers from the kitchen and head out of the back door and into Puck's back yard. I sit down a little uncoordinated, the shots seeming to have affected me more than I thought. It was pretty cold outside and I contemplated heading back inside to grab my jacket when the back door opens pretty hard against my back and then I see nothing but flash of sweater and knee socks and bam I have a mini person crashed out over my lap. That hurt like a bitch.

"Jesus Berry, fall for me much?" I rub the back of my head, where I presume a knee came into contact with my skull.

"Why would you sit right there...right behind a door? A door people at a party, who want to get fresh air are would inevitably use?" Drunk Rachel talked a lot more than sober Rachel, and that was saying something.

"Well I didn't think you were gonna stalk my life and follow me out here." I quip but without the usual bite behind the words.

"I was not stalking you. I just so happened to go over my quota of one wine cooler for the evening and I was feeling a little woozy and needed some air."

I nodded along at her, not convinced with her explanation. I hand her one of the other wine coolers I brought and she moves out of my lap and onto the step beside me. I watch as she takes a long swig and laugh at the disgusted expression on her face.

"I don't know how you people drink these things." She spluttered, before taking another swig. Oh she was drunk alright. Such a lightweight.

"You're not doing a bad job of it Twinkie."

Rachel nodded numbly in agreement and carried on with her drink. The silence seemed comfortable, not at all awkward as it should have been considering we've barely spoken all week.

"I feel light-headed." Even though things were getting far too complicated for me, I couldn't help but laugh at the girl. I looked up into brown eyes using my free hand to place a stray hair behind Rachel's ear.

"You look nice tonight." I smile softly at her.

"You do too. Sam couldn't take his eyes off you all night. Most of the boys in there couldn't." Rachel looked down and spoke shyly. "I saw Brittany looking too. I didn't like them looking at you." Wow booze sure made her honest.

"Yeah? Well in case you hadn't noticed, I'm sitting here with you, not any of those guys. I'd pretty much rather spend my time with you over anybody else in there." Geesh, I guess the booze makes me fucking honest too.

"I can't seem to stay away from you."

"I never asked you to."

I hear her take a deep sigh and I notice that whilst we were talking we had moved closer to each other. I could feel the heat of her bare thigh against the material of my jeans.

"I just...I just don't like the way they look at you."

"You said that already." I say, barely above a whisper. I finish the rest of my drink and put the empty bottle down beside me. I'd thought about what to say to Rachel all week, even practised my little speech over and over in my head so that I'd be ready should this opportunity arise and now all the words were gone and my mind was blank. Head trip.

"Why don't you like how they look at me?" I questioned when Rachel remained quiet.

"I think you'll find you already know the answer to that question," Rachel murmured, but I wasn't going to let her off that easily.

"Yeah, but I think it's time that I hear what you want to say."

"I get jealous because...because. God I don't know why. I just know that I feel like you're burning me up inside and it terrifies me and excites me at the same time. You're like a flame and I'm drawn to you, and I know that'll end up burnt But...I welcome it, I think of nothing else and no matter how hard I try to ignore it, I want the scars. I want you to burn me."

I don't speak, only turn my head to look at her once again then press my lips against hers hungrily. Her lips were soft and intoxicating, and tasted like that delicious strawberry chapstick she wears. I feel my hand move without my control and it comes up to rest on the back of her neck, fingers catching in her hair. Rachel opened her mouth, granting me entrance, her tongue sliding in perfect sync with mine and that combined with the alcohol is making me light headed.

I knew what we were doing was dangerous, anybody could come out at anytime and catch us and then this would be out in the open. Then people would know and then it would all be real. I liked having this secret, something that was my own. If people found out, it would fuck it up and we'd have to face up to what was happening, what we were doing.

Even so I couldn't stop kissing Rachel if I tried, her lips just felt so good against mine and she was doing something amazing with her tongue which was sending shivers down my spine. I was so caught up I didn't hear the door open behind me until it was too late and I heard the voice of the last person I'd want to see me in this situation.

"What are you doing?" I hear the hurt in Brittany's voice as I pull away from Rachel. It was like everything was happening in slow motion.

"It's not what you think." Rachel blurted out before I had the chance to speak. I stood up and turned to look into the hurt eyes of the blonde cheerleader I thought I was in love with.

"It looks like you were eating face guys, I'm not blind."

"You can't be mad about this B." I manage to finally find my voice. "Go back to your man robot, because you have no place getting involved in my business."

"Don't call him that." Brittany's eyes were starting to well with tears. I watch as she wipes her eyes, with an unsteady hand.

"I'm sorry, but you chose him and I can kiss who ever I want. So stay out of it."

I watch as Brittany turns and goes inside the house slamming the door behind her.

"Fuck." I shout out loud, taking my frustrations out on the empty bottle from earlier, kicking hard and watching it land on the grass without breaking. Why is my life so fucking complicated?

"I'd appreciate if you didn't use me to make her jealous like that."

"Are you kidding me? Shit Rachel, not everything is about you. I've probably just lost my best friend for fucking ever and you think that I'm still out to get you. Seriously, fuck you." The anger coursing through my veins is scaring me and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. How can she be so fucking self absorbed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." She says quietly, probably scared of my reaction.

"No you shouldn't have." I snap back.

"What the hell did you say to Brittany? She stormed through the house crying and demanding Artie take her home without explaining." I look over at the sound of Quinn's voice as it snaps me out of my trance. Fucking perfect.

"Mind your own business Quinn, I didn't do shit to her."

"You can't keep taking it out on her because she didn't choose you Santana. You need to grow up."

"And you need to stop talking about stuff you don't understand. Come on Rachel we're leaving." I grab her by the wrist and pull her along with me as I push my shoulder into Quinn's, moving her out of my way. I don't let go of Rachel as I grab my jacket, and storm past the rest of the glee club ignoring their questioning stares. I slam the door behind me and pull Rachel to my car.

"Are you okay?" She asks, as she fastens her seatbelt. "You shouldn't drive, you've been drinking."

"Shut up Berry I'm fine." I snap at her. "We're going to my place. That okay with you?"

She doesn't answer, just nods her head in confirmation. I start up my car and drive off, turning the radio up as loud as I could so that Rachel wouldn't try to talk to me. Everything was so difficult, when it really shouldn't have to be. I should be able to kiss whoever the fuck I want and the person I want to kiss is Rachel Berry, whether she fucking likes it or not.

So screw them. Screw Fabray and screw Brittany. Even screw Rachel.

I'm Santana Lopez and I do whatever the hell I please.


	11. Not in love

Chapter 11- Not in Love

It's a funny situation when you really think about it. On one hand you've got me – a hot, badass, ex-cheerleader with a super bitchy side. Then on the other hand you have Rachel Berry – an annoying, self righteous, virginal Broadway wannabe. We go together as well as milk and orange juice, oil and water, yet here we are once again in my bedroom, and there's no denying that we defy all the preconceptions. We're not supposed to work together.

But we kind of do.

She is sat on my bed, propped up against the pillows and I can't help but bask in the silence, because she's not trying to talk her way out of this for once and she's just watching me. Waiting to see what I would do. I feel her eyes all over me as I place the jack and coke's I mixed for us on my bedside table and move to sit next to her on the bed.

I watch her as she closes her eyes for a moment, as I run my hand through her hair, moving it away from her face before pressing the side of my head against hers. She lets out an appreciative low moan that I don't think she means to and leans into the touch. I lean down and press and cover her mouth with my own as she bunches up the front of my shirt with two tiny fists. I move my tongue into her open mouth and she meets me halfway, sending a shudder of arousal through my body.

I tilt my head and Rachel follows the same path, moving to place her hand on my cheek and stroke the skin softly there. I let my hand drop from her hair and rest on her bare thigh, just under the hem of her polka dot baby doll dress. The skin there is hot to the touch, and I can only imagine what the rest of her feels like. I push her back slightly, then move to straddle her, pulling her up with me into a sitting position so I can grab her face and pull her in for another hot open mouth kiss.

The low moans that Rachel keeps omitting every now and again are really turning me on, so I grind the lower half of my body into hers smiling as she pulls away from my mouth to sigh sexily. I wanted her so badly. I move the strap of her dress down slightly and look up at her, until the whole of her breast is exposed, the cool air making the small nipples hard. I take one into my mouth, slowly rolling my tongue around it, making Berry writhe against me in pleasure.

"Take this off." I tug at the dress, and Rachel nods at me. I move back as she lifts her arms and I pull the offending garment over her head. I love that she's not wearing a bra. I smile at her appreciatively and bite my bottom lip as she moves her hand to the bottom of my shirt and takes it off. I remove my own bra. She moves her hands to cup my own breasts softly, before I quickly turn her around pressing myself tightly against her back so she's flush against me.

"Gosh." I hear her breathe out as I gently squeeze her boobs from behind. We're both panting softly now, beyond being turned on. I lower one of my hands until I'm met with the damp cotton of her wet panties. I don't wait for permission before I cup her and start rubbing in slow circles, not hard but not all that gentle either. She yet again moans out into the empty room, louder this time as her hands reach behind to grab my head. She moves her legs wider open as I continue my ministrations, before slipping under the cotton to be met with a flood of Rachel Berry's wetness.

I bite my lip as she grabs my hair, pulling tightly, fuck it felt good. I circle her clit with my fingers, keeping the pressure, her hips moving wildly to gain more friction.

"I'm just warning you now, that if we keep going, I don't think I'll be able to stop." I whispered into her ear.

"I don't want you to." Rachel breathed out before moving her free hand down to cover mine, pressed my fingers harder against her clit. "Just be gentle with me."

I nod against her, whispering for her to lay down on her back. I wanted to be able to see her face whilst I did this. She moaned at the loss of contact of my hand, but I didn't keep her waiting long as I kissed her softly again. I remove her panties before pressing my hand back against her, looking into her dark brown eyes looking for any signals that she wanted to stop.

"This is probably going to hurt a bit, but I'll be gentle I swear." I say softly. "If it gets too much, say so and I'll stop." I don't know why I was being so soft with her. I mean, I've taken people's v-cards before and I've never been as gentle as this.

It's different with her. I don't want to hurt her.

She winces slightly as I push into her wetness until I feel the barrier. She takes a sharp intake of breath when I break it, I still my fingers letting her get used to the unfamiliar intrusion. I lean down and kiss her lips softly.

"You okay?"

"Yes...I just need to get used to it."

"I'm going to move my fingers now." Rachel buries her head against my neck as I move into her, pushing in and out slowly. I feel her walls constricting around my hand, she's tight, painfully so, but after a few thrusts, she's less tense, and the moans turn pleasurable rather than painful. I feel her move her legs to wrap around my waist, and I can't help but groan myself as the reality of the situation hits me. I've taken Berry's virginity. I am awesome.

I keep pressing my fingers into Rachel as she meets every thrust with her hips. She was so fucking sexy. I feel more confident now that I'm not hurting her, but still it's not quite enough. I really have to taste her again. I move down her body, removing my fingers in the process which causes her to whine a little. She's even a bossy boots in the bedroom. I chuckle softly as she wrinkles her brows in confusion. It was cute.

I maintain eye contact with her as I run my tongue over her wetness. She moans loudly then squeezes her hey shut tightly. Now she gets it.

I open my mouth to capture her clit between my lips, and suck gently at first, relishing in her uncontrollable sighs and moans. I'm glad my parents are out of town cause Berry is fucking loud. I roll my tongue against her hard clit as she moves her own hands up to palm at her own breasts. That was so fucking hot.

I sucked harder and her hips move erratically. Her breathes were now coming harshly and I knew she was getting close. I wanted this to last, so I pull back slightly and place kisses on the inside of her thigh replacing my tongue on her clit with my fingers. I rub in circles again.

"You're gonna...make me." She doesn't finish her sentence because my mouth is back against her and she sits forward slightly, her hands now gripping tightly at the sheets. I roll my tongue against her clit, teasing. Her face scrunches up in confusion again, and its so adorabley cute for what we're actually doing.

She moves her hand to my hair, effectively grabbing my head and smashing my face against her. I can tell now she's almost there so I once again suck down on her clit, feeling her thighs tighten around my head as she comes hard, hips twisting and thrusting trying to prolong the feeling.

"Oh my god, oh my god." She repeats. Yeah I know. I'm _that_ good. She pulls me up towards her mouth, kissing me passionately, tasting herself on my lips.

"I want to do that to you." Rachel breathes out into my mouth. Yep, I don't think I've ever been this turned on in my entire life.

"Fuck." I moan as she twists my nipples, rolling them between her fingers. "You sure you've never done this before?"

She doesn't answer me, only pushes me onto my back and then she's down there fast for a hobbit, practically ripping off my panties and then her mouth is on me and Oh my God why hadn't we done this sooner. Berry obviously has a talented mouth, we knew that, but fuck I didn't think it could possibly feel this good.

Rachel wasn't letting her inexperience show as she licked and sucked my clit, as my hips moved of their own accord.

"Fuck, that feels so fucking good." I grab at the back of her head. "Just like that, Berry."

She sucked harder, and I looked down into her eyes as my orgasm hit, my back arching off the bed, making it difficult for Rachel to keep her mouth in place, but she did, not letting me down until everything was too sensitive and I pushed her head away from me. She moved off me and lay down beside me as I caught my breath.

"Good to know you have other uses for that mouth of yours." I manage to get out, and I feel her chuckle next to me.

"I had a good teacher."

We stay silent for a moment, the only sound in the room our harsh breaths.

"Staying over?" I ask sleepily before turning over on my side.

"Uhh...sure. I'll text my dads."

"Cool." I yawn loudly. I could be such a boy sometime. Sex then sleep. "Hey, next you know, next time I might not be so gentle."

"Next time?" She questions softly. The sex between us was so good, so raw and so passionate that there was an inevitability that it would be happening again. I'm not fucking dumb, I keeps it real.

"Yep, if you don't do anything to annoy me from here on, I'm sure we'll be bumping uglies again real soon."

"Ugh, you are such a boy." Rachel screws up her face in disgust. "I don't know what I see in you."

"I'm hot." I smirk at her sexily. She knows it's true. She laughs back at me. It's nice that it's not so angsty in this room for once.

"Yeah, yeah." She reaches over to her phone; I presume texting her father's to let them know she's spending the night. I watch as she places the phone on my bedside table and turns to look at me expectantly.

"What?"

"Nothing." She's looking at me strangely, before she turns her back away from and tugs gently on my arm.

"Snuggles?" I question incredulously. I feel her nodding her head. "But, I don't snuggle. Fine, you know what. You get snuggles, this once, since you gave me your V-card. Don't you be expecting this all the time, okay?" Whatever, it did feel kind of nice. Don't judge.

"Uh-huh." She murmured unconvincingly. "We'll see about that."

I chuckle lightly and press a kiss against her shoulder, before closing my eyes and pulling my arms tighter around her body. I wasn't entirely convinced that when we wake up tomorrow she wouldn't have another Rachel Berry freakout, hell I wasn't convinced I wouldn't have a freak out of my own. But for now, I'd probably just had the best sex of my life, with Rachel fucking Berry.

I'm going to enjoy this feeling whilst it lasts.

Even if it means I'm now a fucking snuggler.


	12. Ride of your life, girl

**a/n. Hey guys I'm back. Sorry that I'm a terrible updater and you've probably forgotten about this story. Anyway I had some inspiration whilst writing a Quinntana fic and decided to finish this one up. It should be wrapped up in a couple of chapters.**

Chapter 12 – Ride of your life, girl

_I saw your picture, hanging on the back of my door  
Won't give you my heart, no-one lives there anymore  
And now we're lovers, now we can't be friends  
Fascination ends, here we go again  
Oh oh uh oh  
Cause it's cold outside  
When you coming home?  
Cause it's hot outside  
__isn't that enough?  
__I'm__not in love__  
__I'm not__in love  
I'm not in lo-_

I snap awake suddenly and shoot my hand out to stop the song playing on my alarm. Stupid ironic song that I'd been listening to for days, hitting far too close to home. I rub my eyes sleepily forgetting that Rachel was still beside me. Her eyelashes look really long when her eyes are closed. I move out of the close embrace we were in, into a sitting position at the end of my bed and stretch my arms above my head. I hear a yawn from behind me.

"What time is it?" Rachel murmurs sleepily.

"Little after 10." I say with my back still turned away from her. "Hey do you have any plans today?"

"Umm no not really. Just was going to do some vocal exercises, maybe take a run, hang out with my dad's, maybe watch a-"

"Geesh Barbra, I didn't ask for your life story." I say chuckling as she slaps my shoulder lightly.

"So do you want to hang out?" I ask again.

"Sure, but when you say hang out does that covertly mean insult me and then make out?" Berry asks with a playful smile.

"If I wanted to insult you and make out with you then I'd insult you and make out with you." I say flatly, rolling my eyes at her.

"Well good because today you can take me somewhere. Somewhere fun."

"You mean outside? With you? In daylight, where people can see?"

"Gosh Santana you make it sound like your worst nightmare."

"My worst nightmare is Mr Schue doing a tap dance wearing nothing but his awful sweater vest." She actually laughs at my lame joke. It's cute.

"Okay, well we could go to the carnival? I heard it's got some better rides this year."

"Umm Santana I'm not going on the big wheel with you so you can push me off the top and then claim your innocence."

"I never thought about that. That's a good idea. Let's go now."

"Will you buy me cotton candy?" Rachel looked up at me with pleading eyes.

"Pshh it's not a date, Dwarf, you can very well get your own cotton candy."

XXXXXX

By midday Berry is carrying around her bag of cotton candy, chomping loudly with a huge smile on her face.

"Thanks for the candy, San." She looks up at me innocently, but she knows what she's doing. Since when did I become a pussy whipped soft ass bitch? I let her move in front of me, then kick my leg out to trip her up from behind, plastering a holier than thou look on my face.

"Sorry." Rachel stumbles, but catches herself gracefully, eyeing me suspiciously before turning her attention back to sugary snack. Ha, I'm still badass.

"So shall we try the Big Wheel next?"

"Sure lead the way, Barb." I motion with my hand for her to take a seat as I hand the guy two tokens. I sit next to her, laughing at the nervous look on her face.

"Chill, I'm totally not going to push you off the top."

"I'm not the greatest when it comes to heights in all honesty." Rachel shifted as she sat down. She looked might nervous. The ride shifted into motion slowly.

"Oh come on, it's not like we're going at the speed of light here." I mock her as those big brown eyes of her seem to widen with fear. I hadn't seen her look this scared since I tried my drunken seduce the girl technique on her a couple of weeks back.

"It just freaks me out being this far above ground." She pouts. "It's unnatural."

"Hey you know what is relaxing?" I suddenly have a fantastic fucking idea. I move my hand slowly over Rachel's bare thigh. She quickly stops me in my tracks.

"We are not doing _that_ here." She hisses out. "We are in public Santana. Sometimes I think you really are a sex maniac." 

I giggle at her absolute ridiculousness. Well kind of ridiculous I guess, but not that far away from the truth. I don't move my hand, only wait for a beat before moving it towards her hot centre, feeling Rachel's breath hitch at the touch. I look into her eyes as I bite my bottom lip and this time I know she won't stop me.

I reach beneath the damp material of her panties to touch her heat, not breaking eye contact with Rachel as she licks her lips sexily. For once I'm thanking the Gods above for those short skirts she wears. I press my fingers against her clit and start making slow circles. She lets out some kind of high pitched whimper and damn if I didn't just nearly cream myself at the sound.

I lean over and capture her lips and she spreads her legs a little wider to give me more access, and I guess there goes her protests. Lucky me. Our kisses become a little sloppy as I move towards her entrance and slickly enter her with two fingers.

"Oh my gosh." She breathes as I build up a rhythm. Doing this in public makes it all the more hotter. The pace of my thrusts quickens as I feel her walls start to tighten around my fingers. We're at the top of the wheel now, and I'm going to have to hurry this up before we get closer to the ground and people would actually be able to see what we were up to. My desperation causes the carriage we're in to rock slightly.

"Don't you dare fucking tip us over." A clearly dishevelled Berry tries to warn me, but I can't help but chuckle at her, because yeah, what the hell could she possibly do. I thrust in a couple more times before I feel that familiar tremble in her thighs and the clenching of her walls and it's over just as quickly as it started. I remove my fingers from her as she tries to steady her breathing leaning over to peck her soft pouting lips. She glares at me mock threatening.

"You're such a bad friend, Lopez."

"Whatever bitch, I'm the best kind of friend."

She smiles at me and breaks eye contact relaxing a little as she notices we're a little more closer to the ground than before. I'm enjoying the view, watching the people below us as their faces become a little more clearer as we near the end of the ride and then I feel a small hand reach over and interlink fingers with mine. For some reason this doesn't scare me like I thought it would. Instead I sigh deeply and squeeze Berry's hand back, not letting go until the rides over and we're back on the ground. 


End file.
